I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
