u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
