But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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