this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
