WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just high enough for therapy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
