why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
