I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
