I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize