Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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