FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
