i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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