you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
