He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
