No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
