He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
