I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
