I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
