I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
