I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I forget how to act sober
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
