I'm so fucking centered right now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
