apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
