I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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