he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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