I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
