Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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