So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
