i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
