2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize