am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
