He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
