tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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