if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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