bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think i have two assholes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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