420 ftw
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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