hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
