Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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