forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
