Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
