The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
