How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
