I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just googled if crying burns calories
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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