wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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