I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
