she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
