chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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