You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
