everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
