im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize