He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
vagina is talking i cant
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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