Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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