my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
