What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
