New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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