Don't make out with my wife yet
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
