my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
