no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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