Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
