all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize