On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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