apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
