My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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