i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
