david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They have beer where we have blood.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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