My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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