i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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