in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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