Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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