heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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