Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
