i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
