Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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