She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
