mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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