Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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