He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
