what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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